[Music] Oh my God, long time ago.

Strong Strong feelings it still fit I think.

Yeah, it does.

[Music] I did all kinds of things.

I don't want to do elastic.

Those are old shoes.

Those are 20 years old with that Are we that old?

I'm not that old yet.

We talk about the mirror a lot.

Despite all the changes in your body you get used to Seeing yourself, you like it or you don't Swallow and do it.

It sounds sometimes harsh but you don't like your body.

You don't like your feet.

You don't like your shoulders.

You don't like your fingers.

You should consider the mirror as your friend.

[Music fades out] [Music, fast rhythm] It's so much better, hold on to each other.

Stay calm.

Excellent.

That's right.

Coming to me Hello...

Gentle... gentle gentle smile nobody moves [Music] Don't fall, Lila.

Plié, croisé, Legs, Stretch, Stretch.

And feel the elbows And stretch, fingers up.

And fly... legs Legs... legs... legs...fly.

[Music fades] [Alexandra's VO] Beauty has a lot to do with my personality.

It doesn't matter where I am, I have to be surrounded by beauty.

I just don't like not beautiful things [Music] [off-screen Alexandra] You have to try [Alexandra's VO continues] And I think that's a childhood that gave me that a gorgeous city, Saint Petersburg , they call it Venice of the north [off-screen Alexandra's Voice] Into chaîné, Margarita.

Yes, forward, chaîné, Dégagé [Music] [off-screen Alexandra] That's nice.

Go.

Take your time Take your time.

Take your time, Feel the back.

Look at the audience...

Very nice [Music] [Alexandra's VO] I watched a lot of ballet since I was age four.

Ballet in Russia and music.

Everybody knew ballet, everybody loved ballet, In Russia, those days parents decided for children what is good for them.

I was absolutely worse than class.

I hated it.

[Music] In my second year of Vaganova Academy, my teacher called me a gorilla.

Right in class, in front of everybody.

Gorillas, don't perform at Marinsky, right?

gorillas at the zoo; and my mom instead of being in panic, she just said: have you seen yourself in the mirror?

And I looked in the mirror.

We had this beautiful French mirror.

I can see a small gorilla in the mirror, but I can see a swan.

[Music] Show pose.

Higher passe.

[Music] Smile.

Hold... present your right heel.

That is right.

Passé!!

[Music] Nobody needs that "Khe-khe-khe" Passé!!

You have to learn four pirouettes solid, Five pirouettes solid, position.

Whatever teacher said, that is your priority "ta-ta-ta-ta-ta" Concentrate.

Just one thing - make it simple.

Oh my God, we have so many problems.

Hold on.

Okay.

You'll get there.

Enjoy your life.

[Street noise, sound of steps] [Off-screen Margaret's VO] Sometimes I really love ballet, Especially when I do well, and sometimes I just hate it.

Yeah.

[Off-screen Margaret's VO] It is very painful all the time.

And when it isn't, I feel so happy [Music] And the balance.

Grow attitude.

Grow!

Gratitude.

Fingers.

Remember, how many times?

[Music] You have to do that on your own; on your own!

Push!!

On your own How many times I'm going to hold it for you?

Do it!

Pick up.

Ah!

[Off-screen Margaret's VO] What I don't like about ballet.

It's how much time it takes.

You don't really have much of a life.

Other than that.

I feel like I'm always here or sleeping or In pain or eating.

she misses so much because she's always dancing right?

[Margaret giggles] That's a big, you know, it's a big regret, really.

Let's find the balance, shoulders down Should be here.

[hand's sounds] both heels Use the breathing see you go Boo and I Paaa!!

Paaa!

Paaa!

Paaa!!

My body is tall, my hips are tall, and fifth position, grand plie.

Grand plie, grand plie.

A lot of nerves go to that that process and obviously Years of hard work, and when they announce that I made it to Kirov ballet, I was only one who made it from my class.

I was blown away.

If you're good, you deserve to be on stage.

I was lucky enough to keep climbing up.

I was just getting those roles.

I danced "Apollo" In Tchaikovsky five, in Washington, DC.

Who I am now because of that strong Foundation.

[Music] [off-screen Paris' VO] I like Alexander's class a lot because she does a lot of like fast-paced and it's really fun for me.

So on the days like harder I usually just kind of forget about it during the class and then stress afterwards.

[Music] [Alexandra's VO] Not super clean Plie, Rollover We are Mormons or a Latter-Day Saints which is more strict religion.

So, we don't date until age 16 and that's like group dating which are dad like us to follow.

Yeah [giggles] Where is the foot work One, two three, glissade, soutenu.

Sometimes it can get a little overwhelming Because you're always have to be at your best and sometimes, a lot of us in Koltun especially We get down in ourselves very easily.

You just have to get used to it.

[sounds of jumps][Music] Do not bent the front leg, it is not like that I will show you how to use the split stretcher.

Um.

like most things in dance, it is painful but the reward, it's worth it.

When I do the stretch, I'm doing homework.

Or reading a book because it takes a book Because it takes a while.

You just have to do a lot of toe-rises, you can do one foot.

Stuff like that really strengthen your feet Those are what really help improve your feet so that they are better for dance.

[Music starts] My first class at Koltun Afterwards, I just went to the car and cried and said I'm never coming here.

I'd never been pushed like this before and the truth hurts.

[Alexandra's VO] Yeah, pa-pa, pa-pa.

Yes.

It didn't realize how far behind I was.

[Alexandra's VO] Yes, travel a little bit more I like it.

[Margaret's VO] It was very intimidating.

[Alexandra's VO] No, do not let go [Margaret's VO] she was like this is what talent looks like in America.

[Margaret's VO] I felt so bad about myself afterwards.

[Alexandra's VO] You have to stand the point.

[Alexandra's VO] squeeze your teeth for a change when she says like squeeze your teeth for a change or like try for a change that I'm like what I've been trying this whole time.

[Alexandra's VO] Copy me!

Thank you.

All panel hold.

[Margaret] A lot of people might take it the wrong way and then just Feel terrible about themselves.

So you gotta brush it off sometimes.

[Noise outside] [A woman's VO] I have some garlic powder here.

Things I have to do at home are feeding our animals and school and like cleaning up when it's my turn which is sometimes a lot because my family is pretty big.

[Music] [Animals] I can carry these, all right.

Nice.

No, you can do that.

[Music] Sophie, you want to put those eggs away and then help me.

I have seven siblings three younger siblings who are adopted and four older siblings.

I have another younger sibling who's in heaven right now.

My dad does Computer science, it's his job.

And my mom is a stay-at-home mom someone you listen after school.

[Margaret's VO] Okay, Greg.

You want me to put you in, so you can go chase the ducks?

Religion definitely makes me a better person.

I'm a Roman Catholic.

That's what I believe and I was born into the Catholic Family.

So they already had the faith [Praying] [Dad's VO] My income is spread thin across eight children.

all their elite activities, all of which require finances.

I give them a roof.

I give them income.

The wonderful part comes from them.

[Music] [Pleasant Laughing] Omen.

[Music] And down [Alexandra's VO] I did not really like what the government was preaching into People.

It was a very strange time.

And I didn't know when that time will be over.

Outside of beautiful Jewel of Kirov Ballet I felt like I was in a protected astronomical embrace.

But soon as I opened the doors of that theater.

I saw some ugliness and I saw some things that I didn't want to be part of it.

Every time I came back from the Western tour either Europe or America.

I felt that I even more I didn't belong to that country [Music] [Alexandra] "Paa" The fingers...hold.

and find the balance.

beautiful Allonge that way, see, but you don't let go this.

Salute!

[Alexandra's VO]It was a very big pity to leave my parents behind.

When I made that decision in Washington DC, I did Tchaikovsky's five, leading with Igor Zelensky.

I decided to stay in America where I can find my own desire who I want to be.

I think the word "DEFECTION' was still in place.

I felt like I will never gain my own freedom my personal freedom.

For all these years in Saint Petersburg, Russia I felt like I don't belong there.

I don't know why.

[Music] [Alexandra]"As soon as you're ready, put your skirt on.

[Alexandra]"Is this arabesque?

Plie.

In 1992 after I stayed in America for a few months.

I saw an audition for Boston Ballet Wow.

It's such a great company for me because it had some Russian Classics such as "Swan lake".

'Giselle," and I was so into that.

Bruce Marks was a director at the time so The audition went very well.

I signed the contract immediately.

I was just so young 21 22 years Old, start getting all this roles and Bruce Marks recognized my talent and I became a principal one year later.

[Music]How could you after three years of training?

When intensively somebody's telling you not to do that You continuously doing it on point.

something extraordinary wrong.

one two three, point Pam..pam.. pam back, two, three and same arm, two three.

I don't know how many times.

[Margaret's VO] Sometimes she motivates like yelling at you [Giggles] She just really motivate me personally.

[Alexandra] Tatida.. music and hold, keep the arms... Go.. pa pa pa... supporting foot .. here [Alexandra's VO] I get wild I get very excited.

I think it's part of my character.

Nice.. Open arms, out, in Shorter position.

glissade Left.

Pull up!!!

And...... and finish [Sounds of Birds, steps] Follow history.

Let's go, have a look Max [dog] [Alex] Spider net.. [Alexandra] 1775?

1733.

[Alexandra continues] Wow.

That's the outfits people wore.

I've almost the same shoes, with the buckles with the gold buckle.

You got it for me in, New York.

[Alex] We met in St. Petersburg [Alexandra]at the city where I was born [Alex]at the mutual friends' birthday party.

She was still at school.

At age 15 or 16.

I was already I think first year at the Bolshoi I came with my friend to see some performances at Kirov, Marinsky theater now And then so we went to the party.

When did we meet here?

When we came to United States both separate ways.

I think you've called me when I was around 26.

I was already a principal dancer with Boston Ballet and met each other 11 years later after Saint Petersburg's birthday party.

I started dancing with Alex.

We had some kind of understanding and he quickly turned into somebody who understood my problems, After 30, I started feeling some parts were not working as [Alex] as smooth [Alexandra]as smoothie when I was 20.

At that age was very important to have a person who can sense that and I found that with Alex.

My theory if you found somebody that you're comfortable.

Grab onto each other and don't let go [Alex] I found the Jewel We found Jewels in each other [Alex] Yes.

[Alexandra] I think the level of our Artistry became very high.

[Alex] higher [both laughing] it got higher and higher Better and better [both laughing] Do you know the name of these plants in Russian?

[Alexandra] "Koluchki" [Alex] We had them, and threw them, and they got they got stuck on you.

[Alexandra] Yeah, they do.

[Alex] Wow, I know.

Those are fun.

Coming back up and again going slowly forward keep pushing it That's right.

Shoulder down, more square, reaching out forward drop the elbow Right, and coming up.

Get the balance, arms to the side [Alexandra's VO] My husband came from Bolshoi where so much powerful men's dancing.

We always consider Bolshoi's dancers more powerful.

I came from Marinsky and Vaganova and all that background.

So, when we got together, wow, it's two Worlds collided.

[Alex] Open arm, look at your hands, and we go forward down more turn out girls and turn out turnout Yes.

[Alexandra's VO] I think the way we teach courses I'm a female and he's a male.

There's always going to be different there.

[Alex] arching back as much as you can always ...down That's right.

That's right.

[Alexandra's VO] Both of us were very passionate people and sometimes for me you can see, I'm more screaming in class.

[Alex] There you go.

Yes, [Alexandra's VO] He is more reserved, and watching from the side [Alex]Drop the heads, all the way down.

Right good coming up slowly push, push, push, push back Up around.

[Alex' VO] Good, that is right.

[Music] [Alexandra] Close your eyes.

Stay.

[Alexandra]Stay where you are.

America is a different place than Soviet Russia, you know, that was 30 years ago, and it's just a different world.

You start out with a thousand people that want to dance and 800 of them just fall apart and disappear and then you have 200 left and then you know, it's like you end up with a certain personality type that cannot be damaged by anything.

But how many great dancers did you throw away along the way?

[Margaret's Dad's VO] Alexandra said, every time I go to the stage, I hear my teachers yelling at me from the wings.

She still hears that voice.

Hold!

Yes, better.

That is right!

[Alexandra] Sometimes I have to be careful because people can interpret my feelings of being upset because it didn't work something.

I do want it sincerely for them to get the best that they possibly can.

[Alexandra's VO] even one clear pirouette?

I need three clean... three clean.

Yes!!

Show, Paris, in the center.

Keep the upper body.

back leg [Alexandra's VO] Emma, what she's doing wrong in your understanding?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Everybody knows everybody around you here knows.

three put your force in your middle.

that is better Go.

[Paris' VO] We don't really have a lot of time outside of school and dance to have much of a social life.

But like we have a lot of friends here at Koltun.

Those are really nice.

So, we kind of hang out with them most of the time.

[Alexandra]Lock your knee, Matteo, work your bottom muscles.

You need that for a la seconde turn.

Two, three Now, fast... small Yeah, that's right, standing leg Lila, coupé back, one two three, this is [Jack's VO] Dancing is always painful, but it's alright.

It's really important to push your boundaries so that you can prove every day.

Back, back, back, popo not working, Margaret!!!

Soutiné [Jack's VO] One thing for ballet is you always have to be strong.

Especially that turn out muscles.

You always have to be using them.

It's so hard to always be engaged physically, but also mentally.

always be pushing yourself further than your comfort zone.

[Music] [Alexandra]point your right tow, and running [Music] [Jack's VO] The Part company I am in we're going to do a Mongolian dance drama.

So, in order to stay true to Mongolian dance, we actually went to Inner Mongolia last summer and we stay for 10 days.

We attended this dance competition in Mongolia.

[Jack's mom] every week we get the training, we do practice Yeah, so I usually get home at At .. Yeah, nine o'clock because dance class ends at 8.

I go to bed at best 11:30 to 1:00am leave for school like at 7 o'clock.

Sometimes I have homework to do as I wake up, but if I don't I play video games and [giggles] my mom's is like what?

how dare you?

[giggles] [Music] [Jack's VO] in China people do Chinese dance and it's very different from ballet.

It's a lot more.

free in the movements not a lot of people.

I know who are Chinese or Asian do ballet In fact, like in my family, everyone's a doctor.

I want to show how hard I worked and really want to honor all the hard work that not only I put in, but my mom's putting in for this to happen.

[Music] [Street noise] [Alexandra] and heel and crusade turn this way [Alex] We just have to do our best.

Yeah, so just try to concentrate.

All right.

[Alexandra] Focus.

Yeah.

[Alexandra] Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

[Alexandra] Ooh, [Alex] try to have socks.

[Alexandra] Yeah, exactly.

[Alex] because that's a cold floor.

Make sure you don't have a cramp where you go on stage if you get warm, yeah, [Alexandra] Do you hear what Alex is saying?

Booties are on.

[ Alex] She is going to put them, they are putting them now.

[Alexandra] Powder your foreheads Everybody is off, every single one, we are going to Organ's room Keep energy throughout your nails.

[Man's Voice calling participants] number 62 I am not gonna say have fun, work it!

Okay good, toi toi toi Lila, come to stairs.

Let's all gather here [Man's Voice] guys.

Why are we talking in this hallway?

Come on.

I'm trying to give very important information.

Trying to make your dreams come true.

[Margaret VO] competitions are terrifying me.

They're terrifying.

It's like people judging your every move.

There have been many times that I haven't done my best and I know it and then just waiting and anticipating, getting yelled at me after.

It's so scary.

It's like you have to be better than the person before you and after you.

It's a lot of pressure.

People see you... Maybe better chance to get hired later.

[Music] [Paris VO] As soon as I wrap my head around like I'm at YAGP Finals, it is so much pressure.

Thera are so many people watching me and it was just so stressful and I got very nervous.

[Announcer's Voice calling]863, Kolun ballet Boston, USA, "Tako" [Music] [Dancer's steps] [Alexandra] Excellent!

Excellent everybody.

That's for excellent.

That was really beautiful.

More ice.

We need more ice.

Don't put it down.

Yeah, put it over.

So it's a beautiful lips.

Make sure all the leggings are down!

Yeah, next time guys do that beforehand.

Yeah, put it up a little bit, put it up a little bit.

Yeah, that's good.

You can go to Organ's room now Be careful down the stairs.

[Jack' VO][Music] This dream of becoming a professional is in reality a very low percentage and it's so competitive.

I know that I probably have a low chance but I still want to try.

[69 from Koltun Ballet Boston, USA "Critical Minds" [Music][Steps' noise] [Voices]the front line is okay in order.

I believe standby, standby looks good.

That looks Better, make sure you take the glasses.

[Jack's VO] It's always fun to be able to spend time with my friends over at ballet in class.

You can't talk to each other because we always have to focus.

But in the competition, we can sit together.

We can be scared together and we can get excited with each other afterwards when we think we've done good or if we did bad.

[Alexandra]Did you enjoy performance?

[students] Yes [Alexandra] That's the main thing.

We saw you enjoying performance, every single piece stand out in a very different way.

As professionals, we appreciate that.

We all belong on stage.

Thank you guys.

After Anthony was born, I was still dancing and care for him at night and he would be waking up and then crying for whatever reason and then the next day.

I was going back to work and then the minute I have a little time off, I would just crash under the bar and take a nap for five, ten minutes in between rehearsal.

People would send me pictures, your husband falls asleep under the bar.

[laugh] You stopped because of me.

You would have danced A little bit more, I said [Alex] Maybe I had enough.

In Russia people stop at 38.

I stopped at 35.

How long can you do it?

It's all up to your body.

[Alex] Yeah, it's up to your personal take on it and the administration of the company.

If they want you around for longer they will keep you, and if they feel like you're not up to speed then they going to dispose of you, so that's a very simple thing.

[Alexandra] I think both of us, had a desire 7 years ago, To have something that we could call it, our own.

[Alex] to create something.

[Alexandra]To create something.

When it comes from two people, Two people's experience, many years, 30 years of experience and put it together, as your own.

There's nothing more you can say you can be proud of.

That this is your baby.

[Alexandra VO] That's very nice.

Make sure I am sitting directly center.

That's better.

Keep your arms along your hips.

Go Matteo.

Yes!

We are going to use fresh flowers today because Alexandra forgot for the first time.

[Alex] It's the first time.

That's the center!

That's why we do reversal.

Hold!

Croisade to the corner [Alexandra] To the sun!

Nobody cares that your tired.

Well, especially me.

[Alexandra] bop bop bop bop and you go for it sweetie, go for it.

That's right.

You don't need to be scared.

I wasn't on stage till I was 15.

[Audience] Seriously?

Really?

No!

They didn't let us.

To dance like that!

[scoffs] No, you have to be perfect!

Then you go on stage.

[Alex] Nobody is perfect Alexandra, please.

[Audience][Laughter] Close to perfect.

[Alex] You have to be trained enough.

[Alexandra]Yeah.

When they trained us enough, that's okay.

We'll give you a chance, but if you screwed up once, you'll never get it.

Yeah.

That's why we grew very thick skin, very young.

Yeah, talk about stress.

We got it.

Endless story of childhood.

Endless.

Not being free inside.

I think that's the worst thing that can happen to a person.

My father is Jewish and in the Soviet regime - I was born in 70s - We didn't know much about religion, and my grandparents were forbidden to go to synagogue.

And I remember once I wanted to go and all these KGB agents were there, watching us.

You have that thing in the Russian passport: nationality.

My father had to put Jewish.

And had a lot of problems in terms of work, certainly he was a professional photographer and a very established, cultural person.

They said it's better that you take that out and put Russian.

He did change it, and some doors opened because of that.

Why are you asking what your real nationality is?

What are you talking about?

Real nationality?

Imagine that in your passport they ask you erase that you're an American.

What would you say?

For Jewish people in Soviet Russia there were a lot of restrictions and I was part of those restrictions.

A fear of not receiving certain roles or maybe not traveling when everybody's traveling and you stay behind, that happened to some people.

And I've seen that, in late the 80's, and even the beginning of the 90s.

What if it will happen to me at some Point?

At age 20, when I decided to stay in the west, that fear of being Jewish in that country, at that time was pretty strong.

First arm out.

Use the breathing, second arm in.

And Bum.

Grand Plie.

Wow your hamstring, whoa, ha.

[Laughter] [Alexandra] Don't touch yourself Margherita!

[Alexandra] Second, Double!

One two three four five six seven, go!

[Yell] [Alexandra] Why are you tilting forward to do face?

Do it!

Bingo!

[Alexandra] Can you just do that every time?

Three!

Done... No.

See how your leg... no!

You're your already on the floor!

Are you doing this?

It's precision!

[Alexandra]That's it, put your energy into your fingers.

Just there is always somebody, somthing moving.

Bum bum bah!

Thank you for joining us, please enjoy the concert.

[Music] [Music intensifies] Sometimes children break.

Sometimes it's too much school, too much!

School, ballet, chess, math, Chinese dance, whatever dance that they add, it's too much!

[Alexandra VO] This is beautiful.

We love good food.

I eat a lot of pasta!

[Alexandra] Well, I don't eat everything, and I don't eat a lot of sugar.

So Sugar, [Alex] She just doesn't eat a lot.

[Alexandra] I don't eat a lot.

Portions are small.

[Alex] So small, and then Very picky in the way.

[Alexandra] I'm quite picky.

[Alex] There's a lot of things she just doesn't consume.

[Alexandra] I'm quite picky.

[Alex] Everything's done.

So I just need to rehearse.

[Alexandra] Now you don't have to worry about... so it's the exact amount of people.

[Alexandra] Yeah, make sure that if Jack comes back, we can, you can create that contemporary Duet for them, in a different level.

[Alex] That would be great.

[Alex]He likes to be outside.

Nice and soft show, beauty show, your arms are gradually coming up!

[Paris] My dad has always also been very supportive.

But he's also very busy with work so he can't always bring us down.

But my mom she takes morning shifts as a photographer.

[Paris VO] So I think she finds it overwhelming sometimes because it's like an hour and a half every day.

[Paris VO] We're Beyond grateful for her.

Lila, Sharp first Arabesque!

Fly, up!

That's where you are supposed to be.

Ahhh when am I gonna teach you to keep the body up.

You have the leg.

Kick it!

kick it!

Kick the butt.

Kick it.

Yeah.

Yeah, you have to feel it there.

Yeah, okay now let's see the sausage girl... That's you.

Sorry.

Mhm.

Solo performance is not for everybody.

You know, we still need to get there.

[London] I do water painting and like oil painting.

[London VO]She likes to take long showers.

[Paris] After dance my legs really hurt.

[London] Just like hours.

[Paris] Shut up!

It's like yeah, that's whatever but it's a little frustrating when I have to get into the bathroom.

[Alexandra] Just like flowers in the morning!

[Alexandra VO]But when you engage the muscle, that's a different story.

[Margaret]I started ballet first, then Ben started.

Ben - her older sibling that dances - he was stuck at her ballet practices for about a month or two and said, well, I want to be on that side of the glass and that I want to go in there with them and dance, so he was already older when he started.

But you did work hard.

7 hours a day, three hours with Alex [Alex] A crash Course!

[Alexandra] Yes it was a crash course!

I remember when I said how does it make you feel that first place?

You said to me: I couldn't believe I did it.

I couldn't believe I did it!

It was so good!

So now you've been in Helsinki for two years.

Professional contract and getting soloist roles and getting to be really or live the reality of what's our profession is about.

[Alexandra] Left arm, and finish!

Better, better!

[Margaret] I actually traveled to Barcelona, that was like the start of my audition season, which was really cool.

I had some extra time because I didn't make it to the second round.

I haven't really learned to control my nerves yet.

Sometimes I just kind of give in and I get shaky.

I came home and then I flew and met my brother Ben in Atlanta.

And then we auditioned there I was nervous then, but it was nice because then that audition I was in the same room as Ben, I tried to be a little bit more myself and comfortable.

There's a mirror and I'm like insecure, like you're just constantly staring at yourself in the mirror, always fixing everything.

I look at myself and like I'm never good enough.

I'm too fat.

I've gained so much weight.

She weighed me sometimes and I was like, was I was crushed.

I keep my shoes and my collectible items in my fridge.

And I'm going to show you where they are.

Along with some berries and some ice cream.

They're nicely.

stored here and there have been here for from places to places.

My husband told me to never throw them away.

So the reason I keep them in the freezer because once we when we lived in Miami, there were little insect that would get into my brand new pairs of shoes and eat most of the glue, haha!

My mom was a wonderful artist.

She just gave us this in February.

Happy Valentine's Day.

My husband and I.

My father just came up with his book.

His name is Ilia Koltun.

He worked with a lot of famous ballet dancers in St. Petersburg.

Narrif was in St. Petersburg, he took a lot of shots of him.

Nahsinsiva.

My mom, that's back in 2000.

That's 20 years ago.

I don't indulge myself with a lot of things, but coffee and chocolate.

Like dark chocolate.

Each of those candy has message.

Let's see.

I have my French glasses.

Then I can see it much better.

Be a good person.

That's a good message.

[Somber Music] I felt like I was starting to slip and not achieve these high goals that I was setting for myself.

It kind of affected me in a harsh way because I took it so seriously.

It kind of broke me down.

My parents saw that I was slipping.

My grades were falling.

I was not going to school sometimes.

And they were like it's because you are too busy with dance.

And I didn't want to believe it.

No, it's not ballet.

It's just I need to work harder.

The more I'd push myself though, the more I felt down.

I would crash and I would stop taking ballet classes for a week.

Alexandra would text me.

She'd be like "hey is everything okay?"

She just really encouraged me to come back to class.

When I missed class, she would make sure I knew I missed class.

Every time I was with her, I wanted to be better.

I took a break from everything, but I held on to ballet as long as I could.

When I quit after the BU performance.

I didn't want to look back because I felt like I lost something, and it hurt.

I didn't know what I wanted to do anymore.

I had nothing that like made me happy.

It was like a void.

Leaving ballet did not make me better at school because it was never ballet that I couldn't handle, it was myself.

Leaving ballet made me lose something that I could escape stress with and I face the stress head on I'd be paralyzed with it and I would just waste away the whole day not doing homework, not talking to friends, a lot of sleeping.

I was really afraid of going back.

There was this summer camp that I could have done, but I didn't do it because I felt like I let down Alexandria and Alex.

I had to convince my parents that I was Struggling, and then I had to open up to my friends.

My friend told me to go get help and see the Nurse, or talk to a therapist.

He was the one who got me to do that.

[Alexandra] Put your arms back at the bar and let this out [Alexandra VO] What makes us change.

I still feel that those strong years, especially when you reach those teenager years, we learn a lot from them.

[Alexandra VO] Me changing in the past couple of years.

Me changing in the past couple of years.

There's just a lot happening starting with my students and I didn't know how to cope with it.

[Alexandra] right That's right.

Do it here.

So that's what we're talking about.

Turnout, Go, Turnout.

Almost uh-huh.

[Alexandra VO] I'm still learning how to deal with it in a manner that you don't hurt a person, and at the same time you want to deeply help them.

[Alexandra] Easy, you transfer so much Arabesque large and hold Straight diagonal, straight, left arm left arm over.

[Alexandra singing] And right foot.

[singing]Roll.

No matter what, you have to finish.

Don't rush downstairs.

I'll see you in a dressing room.

Okay?

[Announcer's Voice]number 608, Paris Nails variation from Takita [Paris VO] I dance because I really enjoy it.

I also enjoy like competing and all that but I also do it for Alexandra, I guess in a way.

I think I'm just scared that if I don't work hard enough now, I won't make a future out of everything that I've done in my life.

[Announcer] Upstage and downstairs marks.

Don't go beyond the marks when you're dancing.

Otherwise, you're not going to be seen and you're not gonna be able to see there's also A big yellow line behind the curtain After the line, there's no more stage.

Okay.

Thank you, guys, 5 minutes [Music background] [Alexandra VO] coming back to my personal childhood, I missed that performance opportunities.

Competition is also performing, it's part of the performance.

And it's part of growing your character.

Could you perform solo at 12, 13, 14, 15 years old?

[Alexandra] Pearl, Pearl, Crystal Pearl Yeah, feel this and that [Music background] [Alexandra VO] Can you sustain that nervous, nervous wreck situation where sometimes your legs cannot walk on stage?

[Music] [Paris' VO] In November when my parents were getting divorced on the phone and my sister's tell me about it.

[heartbroken voice] That's like what I think about.

It was very hard.

It was very hard.

Like my dad was always there and he always came to our competitions, watch and support us I guess.

I want to get moments with him all the time.

My mom is always there.

She takes us to competitions all the time.

She prepares our costumes and does everything that we need.

[Music on the stage] [Announcer's Voice] Paris Mills, Variation from "Baidarka" [Music] [Dance steps] It was a great job.

Okay?

[Noise in the hall] [Music] [Steps, breathing] [London Mills VO] We've been dancing together for so long.

When she does well in a competition or when she does a good performance, it makes me feel good.

Like it's almost like..it's like.. if she does well like on stage.

It makes me proud of her, which is cool.

But.. [Music.

continues] [Steps, breathing] [Applauds] In Women senior classical category, we have a tie.

Position number three is a tie: come forward Paris miles and Monica Welshman.

[Applauds] also for us outstanding School award, Kolton Ballet Boston.

[Alexandra VO] I didn't think about we're going to be closing the school.

It kind of went through my mind a little and for a brief moment.

And then, no... what am I even thinking about?

[Val's music] [Margaret is laughing] [Margaret's Mom] I am glad that you are auditioning because there's so many people who don't have work.

[Margaret] Yeah, because of covid.

Yeah.

because it depends on what the company's looking for, because they might want toller, shorter.

[Ben] And there's many companies who actually say right off the bat, like you can send your audition material and stuff and they'll respond to say you're too short.

That's it.

[Ben] At least our generation and moving forward there's a lot of people who say the dance world needs to change; people would say Alexander is way too harsh verbally, which isn't true because she's being honest and I prefer her honesty over [Margaret] Yes, Yeap someone telling me I'm doing a good job when I know I'm not.

[Chickens' noise] [Margaret] Are you taking chickens out Greg?

they're hard to put back in.

I wouldn't take them out.

[Margaret] I think it's amazing that my parents adopted and I think that's something eventually I would want to do.

I definitely want to have a family when I'm older, but I don't see it anytime soon.

I don't meet many guys.

[Margaret's Dad' VO] We're deeply grateful to Alexandra and Alex for everything.

We're just thrilled that she's able to do ballet.

We're honored that company wants to Let her dance for them.

I know they'll be happy with her.

[Margaret] I am very excited to go to Atlanta.

[Music] [Alex is teaching class] UP and go Plié.

Plié and go.

Go!!..

No, you're stopping, you stopping Plié.

The energy is gone.

Down and go!

Go, aha, or that's the pirouette we want to see.

[Alex continues] Using legs now... Everyone.

First one is piqué.

[Music] one, two, go.. [Alexandra] that's much better, work your legs [Alexandra] work your legs, work your legs, and finish.

Yes, Margaret, finish.

First one is very important First one, first one, first one [Alexandra's VO] Margaret got a professional contract.

She's been with us for five years, working very hard going through cries and laughs... difficult.

But at the end did we Conclude?

did we do A to Z?

We did it.

[Paris] Oh that was steep Just now watch out [Friend] better stop [Paris] Oh, I will stop.

[Paris' VO] My dad came home for Christmas and then I saw him twice from Christmas to now.

He is kind of like not there.

It's just been really difficult.

[Background Music] [Friends are chatting] [Paris] Only falling once really badly.

He texts me like three times a week.

That's about it.

And then if I ever respond to him, he doesn't respond back.

[Paris]I almost fell off a bridge, it was not good.

[Fried] fell off a bridge?

[Paris' VO] I want to talk to my dad, but he won't respond.

I'll call him and he won't pick up ever.

[Breaking Voice] He was always there when I was like upset or something.

My mom got a new job.

It's a realtor, so she's always out.

[Paris]Okay, your foot's too close [Friend] No, it is not, [Paris] Yes, it is, it is hard to steer [Paris' VO] It is very difficult to focus on just ballet.

[Paris' VO] It always be in my mind that when I go home, he's not gonna be there [Friend] you want to do one each?

[Paris] Oh, my gosh.

[Friends are laughing] Yes [Friend] We'll cheer you on, go, Paris go.

[Paris' VO] I really do want to continue ballet.

I feel like when I'm older I might be able to get into a company.

[Music][Alexandra's VO] Yeap It took me time to understand.

Where is that fine line where you say 'Come on Paris.

Why are the shoes not ready today?

I told you...' Or you say 'Okay, sweetie, you didn't finish?'

Maybe something happened the night before, maybe she couldn't not Not because she didn't want to do it.

That took me some time to understand.

[Dance steps] [Music] [Alexandra] Bravo!

As teenagers they go through a lot of ups and downs, and I have to respect that.

That solo You gotta be good.

That's it.

Short, long... the technique, spicy [Alexandra's VO] It takes a lot out of me because I'm very Hands-On teacher.. Oh, of course, I'm a strong Russian ballerina.

But sometimes, back off.

Well, Victoria, take it easy, plié, sweetheart, plié.

Thank you, lunch time.

[Alexandra] Pierogi?

It's okay.

We'll get to the presents soon.

It's coming it's coming.

It's coming.

Are you okay?

relax, relax, 90 degrees relax You're not relaxing.

Well, let me work on it.

[Girls are laughing] [Music]We will do it again.

That's so pretty.

That's pretty good one.

Oh, yes.

[Giggling] [Paris' VO] when I with my friends, I just kind of think about I don't want this moment to end because I it's so much fun, I guess.

[Friends laughing] [chatting]I'm happy it is a beautiful view.

I know, it's hot, sweetie.

We've got to work.

We've got to pull it, right here.

I'm hot too, believe me.

Phooo...

It's very hot.

Let's do it.

Okay?

Little higher.

Up up up up up up up up Shake your legs.

[Alexandra] You do once incorrect twice and correct three times in correct, four times.

You do it all the time.

I'm here to tell you - No Stop.

This is how it's done: one, extend, two three four.

So, try!

All of you, finish!

I'm not going to let you do it whatever, either you do it or thank you very much.

[Alexandra VO]I want them to succeed.

I think they wouldn't stay if they didn't appreciate the school; whether they love me or like me, I don't know.

See, I always go down and up down and up.

[Music] [Jack's VO] There's this feeling I get from Paris and Margaret, They are so strong, like they could go through anything.

Like all the pain of ballet and the mental stress [Music] not everyone will fit into this category, not everyone can uphold these expectations.

It's a Russian style.

It worked for the people that could handle it.

[Music intensifies] Looking back I really admire Alexandra for trying to change.

It's a very heartfelt and difficult process - accepting that some parts of us aren't perfect, and I'm trying to change for myself as well.

And I was fighting to be perfect, and I was fighting to be the best I could be.

And I couldn't have done that without Alexandra.

She was a big part of why it was so hard for me to leave Koltun.

I got accepted into NYU Tisch School of Dance doing ballet and modern contemporary.

I didn't see it' coming, but I'm pretty happy about that.

[sounds of crushing waves and wind] [Val's Music][Both laughing] [Alexandra] doing it over, I would have done a different life.

But because I was talented enough and lucky enough to make it to the top level.

I wanted to pursue for longer and longer and longer and once you in it, it's almost like a snowball.

I couldn't stop.

The desire to do better always hunted me.

[Val's Music continues] I still have so much that I have not accomplished and I wanted to do so.

I think this is the best time between 40s and 50s where you feel very powerful.

I don't want to go back to the youth, 20s, even 30s.

Right now, I feel certainly old enough, but at the same time, still very young.

[Alexandra is laughing] [Music intensifies, emotional [Alexandra's sound of pain and discomfort] So, in order these feet to get to listen, there was a lot of fight went into these feet, and some injury, another injury.

I don't know how I Did that for 25, 30 years?

That's a lot of work.

[exhales] Well, would l do that again?

No.

[laughing] It's very hard to say.

Oh, my goodness, never good enough, never satisfied.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven eight.

[Music] [Music]